Mobius

"You found a bug, and you thought you could fix it."

"Yes, of course. That's my job."

It shook its head. Or, maybe, where its head was, probably. "When will you ever learn? What you do is not who you are."

I shrugged. Why didn't that bother me as much as it should have? "I'm not sure what else I've got. This is all I am."

"Another mistake. This is why you're still here."

I scoffed. "So that's all this is? You're going to keep knocking me over the head with your bamboo cane until grasshopper can bullshit his way out of this mess?"

"I suppose that's a start."



With a jolt, I open my eyes. That sudden elevator feeling of falling, or slipping, or missing a step. I'm back in my bed, again. I can't exhale a sigh deep enough to expel all the resignation I feel, or have felt, or have always been feeling. I'm not really sure what tense is appropriate here, and I apologize. I didn't get the best marks in atemporal grammar.

It's 3:14 in the morning. That's how I know I'm still here.

I toss off the blankets, make my way across the room, and peek through the blinds leaking twilight into my apartment. That sounds pretty good, I think. I'm not sure exactly when twilight officially is, but I'm better at being poetic than at knowing random trivia. It's passable, at least. Does anybody really know what time it is?

The city. Its silhouette is like the corpse of a god, barely stirring in protest, insisting that it's not dead after all. The first few hundred thousand times I saw it, I was at least a little impressed. For a while, I even got bored of it, before I made up ways to be interested in it again. Now it just reminds me that it's still today. That I'm still stuck in this recursive loop that I've written myself into.

While it is today, I return.

2013

I haven't posted anything since November due to NaNoWriMo, which I'm proud to say I finished for the first time ever. But I haven't had an excuse not to post for about a month and a half now, so here I am putting something down, because that's the foundation of writing. Seeing Kyell Gold tweet-and-journal about his new book, and being flown out to FC for signing, motivated me to think about my writing and the direction I want to be going in this year.

I don't want to fall into the same trap of making resolutions and not sticking to them, so I'm just going to post some things here to commit them to digital stone. When they exist in the real world, outside of my head, they impart a greater sense of urgency and accountability.

1. Draw more. I've been pretty good about this recently, but I've been slowing down since my last finished thing. I have a sizable backlog of commissions and personal ideas, so there's no reason not to be working on something if I have time after school obligations. I should be able to finish at least one thing a week.

2. Write more. With two short stories I want to finish for the 2013 Rainfurrest anthology by the end of February, and the rest of Burning Bright (NaNoWriMo) to complete, there's plenty to work on right now. I'm going to shoot for a weekly thing here.

3. Get back in the gym. I've been doing this again too, and I'm really happy about it. I've been doing more research, trying to take a proactive approach rather than just being committed to going through the motions. Which helps in sticking with it, but not at all at making progress. To give it a solid number, I feel like 160 is a reasonable Summer goal weight. I'm currently floating around 145.

4. School, work, friends. In that order. I've never been this busy in my life before, and I'm actually feeling really good about it. Hybrid classes this quarter and hopefully a part-time job, to slowly ease into things. My brain seems to like that better, rather than just polarbearing into it. I haven't gotten that Wanderlust yet. That's a good sign.

I'd say that about sums it up for now.

1. Post art every week.
2. Post writing every week.
3. Work out.
4. Life stuff.

That sort of degenerated into a Brian McKnight-esque list of instructions.